I think i peed on brittanys purse
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Randomize
