Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
