There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
