i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
