suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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