Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
