With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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