If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We have started to decorate penises.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
