You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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