Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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