we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
