just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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