Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My liver is preforming stress tests.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
