That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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