Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
