TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
