ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
