Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
