we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
