Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
True strength comes from lack of pants
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
