I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize