he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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