brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
