How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I will pee on everything he values.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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