its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize