the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
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