The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
