The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
