Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
