youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize