Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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