I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize