Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
