if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
