just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
