can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize