we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
