I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She's the barista slut.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
