i think my tv is drunk
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
