They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
please come you make the beer taste better
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
