He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
