this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
