i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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