I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
