its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
And then my night got REAL pukey
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
