oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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