to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
