I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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