is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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