just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I feel like death gave me a hand job
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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