five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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