So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize