My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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