I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
