like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
