who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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