I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Randomize
