remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
