I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
