I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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