you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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