I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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