i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i think my cat just said my name.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
