Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
