It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
