i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize