Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
