We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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