there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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