i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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