i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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