things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
