the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
