Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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