someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
