That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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