i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize