yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
now i know why i became what i already was.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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