so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
being pregnant is like rehab
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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