I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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