We won't sleep together?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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